I saw a post one day asking for Women who have experienced an unexpected pregnancy and would be willing to share their story. I quickly responded to that post. I almost felt like it was written directly to me. Then after a few messages, I had all the details to sign up, but I didn't.
I didn't have any belief that my story was important enough to be put into a legit book. After a week or so, it kept pulling on me to write my story, so I committed to it. I still didn't truly believe in myself enough but I did not want to stand in my own way any longer.
Like many other people, my story is full of complexities and challenges. I struggled a bit with which part of my story to tell and which parts wouldn't be as helpful to the women I hope to help by telling my story.
I sat down two different times over the next 2 weeks and tried to write. Each time I tried to write, it didn't feel quite right. My words weren't flowing freely and it felt like a struggle. I decided I was trying too hard. The deadline was October 31, 2021 to have it written, so that morning I was determined to get it written. I sat down and wrote my story in less than 4 hours.
I now realize the first two times I had tried to write didn't work because I was remembering and processing all those emotions from that time in my life. The shame, the fear, the pain, and the joy. I was overwhelmed with tears multiple times while trying to authentically share that time in my life.
I encourage everyone to share their truth. Your story may be just what another person needs to hear to inspire them, encourage them, or just validate that they are not alone. They are not the only one to face a similar circumstance. Can you imagine a world full of people lifting other people up instead of judging them?
Be grateful and have faith,
Michelle LeeAnn
Have you ever gone out in the evening by yourself, pulled up to your destination, and become so overwhelmed with anxiety you decide to just go back home? I have more times than I care to admit in the last several years.
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I spent many years not feeling empowered due to domestic violence and abuse for a large portion of my life. I really didn't even understand what it was to be empowered. Everytime I tried to stand up for myself or the things I believe in I would instantly hear the echoes of my abusers telling me how insignificant, stupid, ugly, or crazy I am for even thinking of expressing my own opinion or thoughts. Nobody cares what you think or believe is another common phrase I would recall. I always cared more about what other people thought of me and the possibility of judgement, so I would withdraw and keep my mouth shut. Over a decade ago all of that changed and I starting feeling lighter and free.
So how/why did that change? I wish I could say it was because I finally loved myself enough not to be my own worst enemy but in all honesty that wasn't the case. Everything in my life that has ever changed for the better has been directly connected to my biggest blessings - my children. In this case, I have a daughter that is Autistic and advocating for her has been a priority and to do that I had to learn to speak up and stand up for her to ensure she receives the support she needs to be successful in school. While I will give schools the benefit of the doubt that they try to offer everything she needs, it also needs to be understood that their goal at the end of the day is to ensure the required support is given and it is up to us parents to ask if there is any additional support available, and sometimes even have to know the process so well that we are able to directly ask for specific support that may not have been offered.
When advocating for my daughter I was never concerned about what others would think, if they would call me names behind my back, or even judge me. You know why? Because she deserves to have a parent that will fully support her even if that means I am put in a normally uncomfortable position or role. Over time that persona I put on for my daughter's school meetings became my new reality of who I am. I didn't need anyone else to empower me, it was already inside me, and it had always been within me. I just needed to tap into it! To own my thoughts and my beliefs regardless if they are popular among other people.
This has given me the freedom to make major changes in my life that are not popular and people do call me various names but that is their issue, not MY issue. The way other people treat you or relate to you has so much more to do with them than it ever has to do with you. Read that again, the way other people treat you or relate to you has so much more to do with them than it ever has to do with you. I absolutely have found a way to love myself, respect myself, and accept myself. Flaws and all, I was uniquely created just like you. We have different strengths and gifts to offer the world but if we are always worried about what "they" will think, we will rob the world of our talents and gifts. How many lives won't be changed or how many people won't be inspired to make changes in their lives because you never shared your talents and gifts with the world?
In short, forgive yourself, love yourself just the way you are, don't worry about what "they" will say, they don't live your life...you live your life! My favorite phrase is, "If they don't pay my bills, put a roof over my head, put food on my table, or share my bed...then their opinion doesn't matter". Of course my children and my family are largely excluded from that statement but even my family knows I am going to do whatever I decide to do. If you can relate or struggle like I have, then take some time with yourself and tap into your empowered self and own your life. While others can inspire you which is awesome, only you can empower yourself. There is no human benevolent enough to empower you which is why our creator put that power within each of us, so when we decided to accept it or use it, we wouldn't have to look far to find it. My hope is this will help inspire others so they don't loose years like I did not embracing their beautiful empowered self.
I personally invite you to come join a free community of Authentic + Empowered Mamas, look forward to seeing you there.
What does it mean to be authentic? It means to be true to yourself, to be real with your thoughts and your feelings. Having your words and actions align with your internal thoughts and values. Not holding on to what anyone else (parents, family, or society) says about how you are supposed to act or do things.
For me I was not taught to be authentic in any way. I was told how to act, how to speak, what to speak, when to speak, and to be polite above all. This meant if someone asked me how I was doing, I was taught to say that I'm ok even if I wasn't and I would hold everything inside in the name of being polite and having good manners. Nobody really cares how you are doing anyway, it's just a polite question to ask...right?
How absurd is that?! We aren't good or ok every day and that is normal in this human experience. Let's stop making this wrong! There is freedom in being authentic, not suppressing our emotions, and letting others see us brightly shining in our lives even when things aren't perfect.
We should use our authenticity to inspire and build each other up to boldly live our lives and chase our dreams. I spent years surviving life and not living life.
I have chosen to unapologetically live my life by taking time for self-reflection to understand my wants and needs; no longer suppressing my feelings; to have courage to be vulnerable enough to share and release feelings of shame, guilt, regret, etc.; to stop comparing myself to others and trying to portray the appearance of "perfection"; to let go of the old ideas and the projections of others regarding who I am supposed to be and embrace who I actually am.
I personally invite you to come join a free community of Authentic + Empowered Mamas, look forward to seeing you there.
Growing up I had a close bond with my grandmother affectionately known as Nanny. In many ways Nanny was a second Mom in my life. We use to play cards, do random projects around the house, do yard work, and she taught me to cook and make some of her favorite things. They weren't fancy things but I loved learning and spending time with her.
The most notable thing she taught me to make was what she called Pinwheels. It is not what you may think of when hearing Pinwheels, it is a Peanut Butter and Confectioners Sugar concoction that is almost addicting. It was always a special treat and she was the only person I ever knew to make it.
A few years ago I tried to make it for my children, it had been years since I had tried to make it, in fact I hadn't made it since before she passed away. Let's just say it did not go well and I was so upset that day. I haven't tried to make it since.
I have told my children about the fond memories associated with this delicious candy that Nanny use to make and I use to know how to make.
One of my Twin 13 year old daughters is an aspiring chef and she found a recipe for the Pinwheels that Nanny use to make since I can no longer recall the exact measurements. Without me knowing, she attempted to make the Pinwheels for us. I was sitting on the back porch with my guy and my daughter brought out a plate of Pinwheels and handed it to me. All I could think of was how sweet it was for her to attempt to make my favorite candy that Nanny use to make and even if it wasn't exactly right it would still be good and I appreciated the gesture.
As soon as I tasted it, an overwhelming joy filled my heart, tons of good memories came flooding back, and joyful tears began streaming down my face uncontrollably. My daughter made it perfectly, it tasted exactly as I remembered, and for a moment it almost felt like Nanny was here with me. My daughter was so shocked by my reaction, I am a pretty tough person trying to hold everything together on the regular and I completely crumbled in less than 30 seconds over Pinwheels.
I miss my Nanny very much but definitely didn't expect such an overwhelming yet beautiful reaction. I have always heard it is the "little things" that mean the most. I teach this to my children and absolutely believe it is true. Just never imagined how impactful "little things" could really be until last night.
I am sure my Nanny would have never thought that making Pinwheels for me would hold so much emotion and so many fond memories for me. Then I started thinking about my kids, what are the "little things" that they will hold dear once I am no longer around? I couldn't come up with anything, so I am deciding to make it a priority to make time for all of the "little things" so they can experience an unbelievably beautiful moment like mine one day.
I share a memory as a simple reminder to take a minute to appreciate all of your accomplishments in your own life. Even if nobody else in the whole world does, give yourself some credit! You are so worthy of every good thing and even if it feels like there is no way out, dig deep within yourself, and you will find strength and courage you never knew existed. For me, my children have always been the driving force in my life and for them I push myself to my perceived limits of existence. I hope to inspire others as we navigate this journey of life together.
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